28 Feb, 2008. Wherein ashes are scattered.

At about 5pm on the 25th - two months to the day since Rob died - I walked down to the river. It's about a block away, and we used to take frequent walks there.

I'd changed into a really pretty - if somewhat flimsy and completely inappropriate for the weather - skirt, one of Rob's favourites, and though actually getting down to the river itself was a tad treacherous (I'm 5ft tall, the snow is still two feet deep there - you get the picture!), I made it.

I'd written this down, and then I read it aloud. I spoke to Rob...I told him how much I loved and missed him, and even managed to crack a joke. Then....as I said these words, I scattered some of his ashes into the snow. The river just looked so beautiful, so serene....the trees were like a protective canopy, sheltering me from the worst of the wind. It was very peaceful, and very calming.

Now I have lost you, I must scatter
Some of you on the air henceforth;
Not that to me it can ever matter
But it's only fair to the rest of the earth.

Now especially, when it's winter
And the sun's not half as bright as it was,
Who wouldn't be glad to find a splinter
That was once you, in the frozen grass?

Snowflakes, too, will be softer feathered,
Clouds, perhaps, will be whiter plumed;
Rain, whose brilliance you caught and gathered,
Purer silver have resumed.

Farewell, sweet dust; I never was a miser
Once for a minute I made you mine:
Now you are gone, I am none the wiser,
But the leaves of the willow are as bright as wine.

Elinor Wylie 1885-1928