19 Dec, 2007 pt 2

During this journey, I've been able to somewhat keep ahold of my sanity.

(I picture my sanity as being something a bit like a pink Chuzzle. You know, those addictive fuzzy thingies in that addictive fuzzy game thingy).

Buddhism helped me regain my sanity once before (though the Chuzzle part remained a bit elusive for awhile - I think it was hiding beneath those oh-so-attractive mud-brown hospital gowns); I was 28 and had just had a hysterectomy. And in his infinite wisdom, the surgeon put me right back on the OB/GYN ward, along with about 20 new mothers. Babies cried. I cried. Maybe there was a lesson there, I'm not sure....but really, I left the hospital in pain, both physical and emotional. And Percocet can't touch emotional pain, believe me. I was hurting, angry and bitter about having the choice to have a child with my then-husband sliced away from me with the cool blade of a scalpel.

Someone, somewhere pointed me to a book by Thich Nhat Hanh, called "Anger: Wisdom for cooling the flames". I'm not entirely sure what happened whilst I was actually reading the book, but so much made sense to me; in the five years since then I've been able to deal far better with some major emotional issues, and actually come to view these situations with something akin to acceptance. As unlikely as it sounds, this acceptance is close friends with another Chuzzle-like entity, "calmness", and they both pay visits to my psyche daily.

It beats having to search high and low for a pink fuzzy Chuzzle who doesn't want to be found.