It actually does help when I talk to you in the apartment. Sometimes though, I think I'm being too hard on myself in expecting too much, too soon. It's been a little over three months since you died, and I suppose I thought - hoped? - that some semblance of normalcy would have returned by now.
I'm not sure whether I'm still in the "acute" grief state, or if I'm actually clinically depressed at this point.
I need to refill the thyroid rx, which I realise isn't helping matters - being off them for just a couple of days really messes with the mood. Just hand't realised how much until now.
There are so many "us" things which I remember.
Deciding that when I was cooking meat, I wasn't actually cooking meat, but instead had acquired....Tofu, Lofu, Bofu and Pofu. (Lofu being "lamb flavoured tofu", so as not to upset the plush lambs we have, and Bofu being "beef flavoured tofu", so as not to upset the plush cows! Pofu, of course, was pork-flavoured (or bacon) tofu, so as not to upset Pigbit or any other porcine-type animals currently living with us!
The times we'd just lie in bed, just holding each other. Stroking each other's back, no words needing to be said other than those quietly murmured "I love you"s.
The kisses, the hugs. Giggling with you. Rolling our eyes in unison and play-screaming "Oh no, it's Kevin Trudeau!" when those bloody commercials came on Fox TV.
You sitting on the floor between my legs, resting your head on my thigh while I stroked your hair as we watched TV (or yet another viewing of "Clerks II" - I still can't get over how much we both loved that movie!).
Walking the "Mushaboom Highway". This being the "skyway" covered walkthrough running between the Civic Center and the rest of downtown Fargo. We called it that because "Mushaboom" (the title of a Feist song) seemed like the perfect verb to describe "meandering along at a somewhat slow, dawdling pace"...and it was just so "us".
The same reasoning went behind our desire to get one of those "Segway" thingies so we could "Mushaboom to Cashwise" to do the grocery shopping.
I miss walking up to the Salvation Army with you to get coffee.
I miss you stumbling out of the bedroom into the living room, not really awake, just to wave and say "hi", before stumbling back to bed.
I miss you.
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1 comment:
"I miss you stumbling out of the bedroom into the living room, not really awake, just to wave and say "hi", before stumbling back to bed."
This is really endearing.
I finally got around to reading your blog. Am doing so now.
-myriad_mirrors (Edith)
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