I do feel as if I'm in the midst of a hurricane.
I need to refill my thyroid prescription, which I think is making my moods a little less than stable to begin with. But even taking that into consideration, I'm just bewildered.
Never in a million years do you think you're going to deal with so much in such a short period of time.
I think I was about coming to terms with, accepting, the fact that you're really not coming home any more. When I walk into the apartment, you're really never going to be there waiting for me, and you'll never snuggle up with me again.
Ok, no, perhaps I'm not there yet.
Carrie came over yesterday; she's so concerned about me. She literally told me "Tess...please....just please try and eat correctly, and sleep. Please don't try and do anything else. Don't work, don't go to any interviews this week, just please attend to yourself. This is almost too much, and I really need you to be very careful that you don't lose yourself".
That's why I don't think Mam's death has really hit me yet. Of course I've cried...but I think I'm still in shock. I'm devastated that I can't attend the funeral; my family also shielded me too, by all accounts. They knew Mam was sicker than I understood, and thought because I'd just lost you, hon, that it would be better for me not to have to worry about things there, too.
To be honest, I really can't put into words how I feel.
Lost. Alone. Devastated. Confused. Upset.
Sigh.
1 comment:
Tess, Tess, Tess. Carrie is wise. Take care of yourself, if nothing else. Losing a parent is hard enough on its own, but in the midst of all you've already endured... oy. I wish I could just be there to hug you.
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