What they don't tell you

...is that grief is very, very physical. It hurts - not just psychologically, but physically, too.

...is that no matter how hard you try, you will never really be able to control where, and when, you burst into tears

...is that despite your wishing that you can fast forward 6 months in the hope of feeling better....that time will come, and it's still as painful and agonizing as the first day; and often, it's worse.

...is that when you're younger than say....60, people just don't know how to react when you tell them, "X died....."

...is that family members will often become demons fighting over what is, or isn't, left after your loved one dies.

...is that even when you're attending a group support session, you might (probably?) feel alienated simply because you're about 20 years younger than the average participant

...is that even your crying takes on a new property. It's a keening, wailing, child-like sobbing that won't quit, and dammit, the tears even make a sound when they fall, because they're so heavy.

And I don't even have my Mum around, despite me wanting just to crawl into her arms and sob.

Grief.
Sucks.